Roller Coaster are two words that come to mind this morning. We had a very rough day yesterday and spent it surrounding Bill telling him it was OK to go to heaven. He was unconscious and his breathing was not only labored, but he would stop breathing for 10-12 seconds in between. We also had the priest come in to give him the sacrament of the sick. After about an hour and a half of staring at his chest, he opened his eyes and said, "I have to pee really bad." With some major help from Joe (against my will) he went to the bathroom and had a few minutes of clear thoughts and speech. If I didn't see it for myself, I never would have believed it. As we all sat next to him and prayed for the Lord to take him, he decided he had to pee. Typical of Bill and his sense of humor...
Unfortunately the clarity didn't last long, and he slipped back into unconsciousness (with the labored sporadic breathing), and we set a schedule to give him medication during the night, since he needs it every hour. All night he gasped for air and struggled to take breaths. This morning we awoke to a lucid Bill again. It lasted about 20 minutes or so, then he slipped back into a slumber.
He is not eating and only takes a sip or two a couple times a day. We know the end (or beginning, depending on how you look at it) is imminent. It is now only a matter of time. We learned yesterday that this is all God's plan and Bill will go when he is ready and on his own terms. Sometimes people wait for family members to arrive before passing, and other times they wait for privacy to protect loved ones of seeing the last breath. Whatever his plan is, we know he will be at peace flying with the angels.
That's How You Know
1 week ago
20 comments:
What a crazy emotional ride this is for the Bartak family. I know all too well what Jackie is facing. Its an odd combonation of selfishness that you want your spouse to live and stick around forever even though he's not enjoying a good quality life and the other 1/2 feels like Old Yeller were you want him out of his misery. Its a strange sequence of events that no one is able to explain to you.
When hospice gave me a booklet last July on what to expect before my beloved husband passed, there was a chapter that explains that there are strange burst of energy days before death. And that is precisely what is happening here.
I have to admit that what Jackie and Bill's family is about to go through is probably the toughest moment I have ever experienced as a human being. Watching someone let go....its oddly peaceful but its also very vivid. Something you just never forget.
I have had a very hard week thinking about you Jackie...reliving your ordeal is oddly good for me. It reminds me how precious life is and how God will someday heal my heart and yours.
Much love and support
Anna Hogan
We will continue to pray for you and your family.
dear jackie,
my son is in your class and i have watched you deal with this situation with such grace,courage and dignity.You and your family will be in our prayers.May God bless your family and help you through this tough time.I always read your blog but felt there was not enough i could say to help, but i just want you to konow you will always be an inspiration to us all.GOD BLESS.
Jackie,
The entire Golden community is with you and your family in our thoughts and prayers as you stand by Bill and watch him let God lead him into heaven to "dance with the angels." We hope his new beginning is peaceful for everyone around you.
We love you and are so inspired by your strength and dignity.
"Let it Be" or "Amen"
Your Golden Family
i'm at a loss of words jackie. you are on my mind and in my prayers...all of you.
Jackie - you, Tyler and Bill are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing with us the journey that you,Bill and your families have been on. I know we may not always understand the plans the Lord has for us - but I believe his plan for Bill was to be a wonderful father/spouse/person/friend and inspiration to many, and has done that daily. You and he have touched so many lives with your honest and loving blog. Thank you and God Bless you and your family.
lisa rodriguez rosile '85
Jackie,
As one chapter nears an end, a new chapter is just beginning... for you, Tyler, and Bill.
You have shown to all of us what beauty, strength, courage, and wisdom you have inside of you and you have been an inspiration to us all... and a gift to Bill.
Thank you for your honesty and grace in sharing this difficult journey. May God bless you, Tyler, and Bill in the chapters yet to come.
With love,
Susan and Kevin
Jackie,
As always my thoughts and prayer are with you. I'm thankful I had the opportunity to stand by your side this year. You are an amazing person and have touched my life.
Tammy L.
I dont know Becky but I feel the same way as she does. I have no words. My heart aches for you, Ann and Joe. Even as I pray I'm at a loss. Thankfully the Lord knows my heart and my prayer for you all.
Kelly
If Bill weren't such a wonderful person, we wouldn't feel so badly that he's leaving to start a new life with our Savior. We ache for ourselves, knowing we're the ones left behind to continue on through life's trials without sweet Bill, while he'll be doing work on the other side, free of pain, anguish, trials.
We love the Bartak family. FRom all of the Kerrs.
I, too, have experienced these last days with both parents and most recently my mother-in-law. Watching someone go through the transition from life to death is something one never forgets but, oddly enough, it becomes a comforting memory. You witness, first hand, how God gently takes His Servant. Death becomes less frightening and allows you to become part of the process. Anna is right, watching someone go does bring peace.
All is well at school; your class is in good hands :), and you and your family are in everyone's thoughts and prayers.
Love you,
Nancy
Jackie,
My prayers are with you, Tyler, and Bill! I am at a loss for words...just know that you have a huge "net" under you with all of your friends willing to do anything to help in this difficult time. You are such an inspiration, so brave, and so strong.
Praying for Bill's peace,
D
Sending lots of hugs and prayers from Atlanta.
Love,
Melissa
As I sit here on the other side of the Country I feel helpless and sad that my friend is leaving and I am not there to say goodbye. However, I am happy that his pain will be ending and that he is going with the same good and happy memories that I have, ones of us as boys and thru our teen years and into fatherhood. I will miss my friend as I know his family will but at least I have 30 years of memories to reflect and remember Bill with. I am praying for all of you to find peace and happy memories
Thinking and praying for you...If I could only do more.
Jackie,
My heart breaks for you and Tyler. I wish there was something, anything I could do or say to make this easier for you and Bill.
I know we in your community are struggling with that very thought.
All that I can take comfort in is that it is now between Bill and God.
When they are ready, then that is the perfect time.
All my love and thought,
Todd
I'm praying for you and your family! My heart breaks for you. I wish I could do something to make this easier for you. Hang in there. Hugs!
J, our thoughts and prayers are with you all. I am so sorry. Please know that God does have a plan and Bill is in great hands with God. Love Scott
I'am also at a loss of words. I wish I could do more for you... I just want you to know how amazing person you are. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I continually pray that God may bring peace to you and your family.
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