Bill's service was yesterday, and I am proud to say that I made it through. (I seriously had my doubts.) For those who weren't there, it can only be summed up in one word... beautiful. The service, the church, the hall... all simply beautiful! We guesstimated approximately 300 people were there, which is indicative of not only our support system, but the type of person Bill was. I was so, SO nervous before it started, and now I wish I could live in that moment forever. I truly felt his presence, and I know he was impressed with the turnout! ;)
After the reception, the Bartak/Nicassio/Britton clan went back to Joe and Ann's and relaxed. The kids played together and the three boys now have a family bond that I will always cherish for Tyler. We reminisced, drank a few adult beverages, and enjoyed the day. It was truly a happy ending; just like Bill would have wanted. A few of us went to sushi later in the evening, without children, and toasted Bill numerous times throughout dinner.
Tyler and I left late last night, and I actually drove home with a smile in my heart. I really didn't think that would be possible yesterday or anytime soon, for that matter. I am truly convinced that you feel how you act... you shouldn't act how you feel. If I act happy, then I will feel happy (and it won't have to be "an act".) I really do feel extremely lucky and so very blessed to have incredible family and friends. Bill is up there smiling!!
About Me
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The Grief Shift9 years ago
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Total Mass Confusion~9 years ago
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The New PostSecret Book10 years ago
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5 Years Ago Today10 years ago
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Three years post transplant!!12 years ago
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Hiatus?12 years ago
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Saying Goodbye12 years ago
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Tree Trimming12 years ago
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Merry Christmas12 years ago
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I believe in signs14 years ago
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Relay for Life14 years ago
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You Wanna Be a Rock Star?14 years ago
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Maddie's Blog
12 comments:
Aloha Jackie!
Thank you so much for continuing to share with us your journey. I was so glad to read your latest post. The description of your smile was such a testament to your love for Bill and Tyler. You can be sure that Bill is smiling upon you and is so proud and honored to have had you by his side throughout it all. You are such a great role model to all who will sadly follow in your footsteps, a great reminder to those of us who have lost loved ones that our loved ones smile upon us and most of all a wonderful and caring mother to Tyler who will one day truly understand how much you loved his father by your deeds and words. You have bravely showed us all your unwavering love for your family by by allowing us to be there "cyberly" (not sure that is an actual word - but I guess you know what I mean).
Much love to you and Tyler - May God Bless and keep you both as you make your way forward -
:) lisa rodriguez rosile ('85)
Jackie,
You are an amazingly strong women. Yesterday was a beautiful day. Thank you soooooo much for letting us be a part of your life for the past year. Take each day as it comes. When the day seems tough, take a deep breath and know that Bill will give you the strength and help that you need to get through it.
Love,
Kim Dunbar-Jefrrey ('85)
Jackie,
I'm so glad that I could be there to celebrate Bill's amazing life. I will keep praying for you and Tyler.
Mary Nyeholt ('85)
Life is all about living!
Trust me, Bill didn't want you constantly honkered down in your house being a full-time caretaker for the rest of your life.
He is looking down at the "celebration of his life" yesterday with SUCH JOY!! Those 300+ people lifted him up even higher into heaven.
Anna Hogan
Mrs. Bartak
Thank you! Thank you! Thank You! for allowing my family to take this journey with you and your family. I can't count the many times i logged on to read your blog and found something new that i didn't know or could share with someone else struggling. I will always be greatful for your generosity. I'm sure God placed you in my life for a reason. I hope to one day share that story with you. Please keep in touch as the entire Golden Families will miss you (especially aaron he keeps asking if you will be his teacher next year). Oh yeah starbucks rule!! I know i am a snot you will see me next year go coffee!! see still made you smile give a big hug to Tyler as well
Mrs. Iannone
Mrs. Iannone
Jackie:
I've been anxiously awaiting your post and am overyjoyed that the service was overflowing with love and beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your feelings, your fears and your hopes. I hope that you continue to share - I'm sure I'm not the only one that cares about you and Tyler and hope to see your progress.
I've requested a ribbon with Bill's name to be worn at a benefit run for blood cancers here in Seattle.
God bless.
Chris Bergman
Jackie,
If my son's preschool graduation had been another day and time, I would have been at Bill's memorial. I did remember to pray for you before my day got busy. In fact, I was driving and heard a Jeremy Camp song on the radio which made me remember to pray for you. Do you know the song, "There Will Be a Day"? It talks about a day in which there will be no more pain or suffering, and I thought of Bill and remembered his service time. I prayed that the truth of that song would be strong in your heart- you would fully know Bill was with His Loving Creator and find peace in that knowledge. I'm blessed to read your blog entry about how you felt after the service. Glad that you found it a beautiful day (the sun was out but not too hot). I'll continue to pray for you and Tyler.
Anna Liao
Hi Jackie,
You probably found me on one of the widow boards. I am so glad that you were able to celebrate his life they way he would have wanted you too! I know for me, when I look back at the funeral home and Mike's service I can smile realizing how much he meant to so many people
Jackie,
It warms my heart to know you went home Friday night with a smile in your heart. Bill will make sure it stays there! The service was beautiful and such a testament to Bill. Doug is still laughing about the Flobee story! I'm sure he's up in heaven making everyone laugh.
Please know I'm thinking of you and knowing today will be difficult. I love what you said about being HAPPY. That was the lesson we learned form Anne Frank in The Traveler's Gift. It is one of my favorite lessons too. Thank you for the reminder. I'm going to read our book again. Want to read it together and have book talks? Love, Me
I loved Mark's comments and I was glad to hear that's how you and Bill met. I'm very happy that I got to visit with you for a little while Friday night. There's something therapeutic about standing in the driveway with family and friends late at night, talking, laughing, enjoying. You're going to be fine. You have a precious little boy, a positive attitude, and you believe in God. You have a huge support system, it seems to be from all of the USA. You are indeed blessed. Our love and prayers continue to be with you and Tyler.
Jackie - ZamFam is our daughter, Becky. I didn't know she had signed on to our computer. Although the above message is from us, it echoes our family's sentiments. We ALL love you and the entire Bartak family.
Jackie,
We so wish that we could have been there for Bill's memorial and are glad to hear that so many were able to. Bill was such a special person in our lives and he will forever be in our hearts and thoughts! once again, should you ever want to get away to Sunny Nevada, please call us, you and Tyler will always have a place to stay!
Love, Lenny and Julie
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