I will admit that I was dreading today. It just made me sad that Bill had so few Father's Days and then passed away right before one to which he was entitled.
Fatherhood is a rite of passage for most Dads. The title is earned and goes to those who lovingly bring children into this world. Bill was one of those. He fought long and hard for Tyler, not me. I am not trying to be the martyr, I know he loved me more than anything and did not want to leave me, but he died knowing that I would be OK, and I would always cherish our memories. He also knew he took a piece of my heart with him.
I can't say the same for his thoughts about Tyler. He was uneasy with the unknown of his little son's life. He was uncertain his three-year-old would actually remember him. He wanted to be there as his Dad on this Earth, not watching from above. He hung on for Tyler... It was the one thing I could not "guarantee", to a certain degree, the way things would happen. He wanted me to promise these three things regarding our son:
1. I will always love him and take care of him (duh, that's easy)
2. I won't change his last name (also a no-brainer)
3. I won't buy him a Porsche when he turns 16 (I agreed, but that doesn't mean I can't buy myself one! He actually gave me carte blanche on my future vehicles.)
Happy Father's Day to all the dads (and single moms) out there!
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The Grief Shift9 years ago
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Total Mass Confusion~9 years ago
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7 comments:
My longest and dearest friend is a single mom of three...her boys still give her presents on Father's Day...and they are in their 20's. You will be the mom, dad, and everything else that Tyler needs, and I am confident that you will fill each role with excellence. I am sorry you had to face such a tough day so soon after Bill went to Heaven. I pray that days like this will be easier on your heart with each one that passes. Have a great summer enjoying Tyler. I am sure I will bump into you at Linda Vista at some point in the fall.
Still Praying,
Kim Smith
I am going to say it again, you are amazing. I can't wait till our next get together and for Scotty and Tyler to play again. Continue to take care of yourself, sleep. See you soon my friend...
Wendy Becker
Jackie,
I, and many others, made a promise to Bill that:
1. Tyler would know who his father was.
2.That all of us will help tyler with any manly things he may need to learn (girls).
3.Tyler would be surrounded by all of Bill's male friend's.
It will be a pleasure to make sure all our promise's are kept, that Bill requested of us all.
All our prayers and love to you and Tyler
Jackie,
It has been so many years and I am so sad that under these circumstances I am contacting you. I would like you to know that you and Tyler are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to both of you.
Stephanie (Cisneros) Dempsey
Jackie,
Today while taking a break from cleaning out the garage, I watched an interview with Payne Stewart's son. You may remember that Payne Stewart was a young golfer who died in a private airplane crash leaving a wife, a son, 10 and a daughter, 13. They showed film of the funeral, and although at 10 he understood what happened, he admits that he didn't understand why his dad had to die. He said his grief came out in many ways weeks, months and years after the fact. It would suddenly erupt, like the time his mom blew him a kiss from the car and waved good bye as she pulled away from the house....a wave from a car pulling away was his last memory of his dad...so when his mom unwittingly did the same thing he simply broke down and implored his mom never to do that again.
A dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly in 1997, in an on-the-job accident. He worked for the Edison company and he and another employee were electrocuted while working with some hot wires. In addition to his wife he left two sons, age 6 and 4. She was about your age when he passed, and she remembers making the commitment that she would always keep their father alive in her sons' hearts and minds. To this day the boys keep a photo of their dad inside their football helmet, and she has his pictures on her cell phone.
Both these women I just talked about, one a stranger, one a friend, lost their husbands suddenly. In the morning they both had breakfast with their respective families, by 3:00 PM they were gone. Perhaps their wives had talked with their husbands about the possibility of life without dad, maybe not. When people are healthy and life is good, those conversations often do not occur.
There is not much good one may say about a prolonged illness. The one positive about Bill's cancer is that you had time to talk about some serious issues including the parenting of your (you and Bill) child. Bill died knowing that you would honor his wishes about how Tyler would be raised. No one can predict the future, but we all know that your life with Tyler will be one grounded in love and respect for Bill. Keeping Bill's memory alive will always be a work in progress, and it began the day he died. Jackie, I am confident you will rise to the occasion and Tyler will grow to be a gracious, kind, and happy young man...the man his dad always envisioned.
By the way, Payne Stewart's son is doing well and succeeding in college and my girlfriend's sons are happy and successful young men as well!!
As for the car, I have no idea what Payne Stewart's wife is driving, but my friend Kathleen drives a red Porche!
Love to you,
Nancy
jackie your strength inspires me. Tyler is very blessed to have you as his mom and Bill would be proud.
You are so unselfish. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts the last 10 months. I look forward to your book!!!
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