Saturday, March 7, 2009

What to Say?

People stress about what to say to Bill or me when asking how things are going, or even asking anything at all. It is not an easy situation, and no one knows the standard thing to say, but I really think it's the last thing a friend or relative should ponder. What IS important (more important than the actual words you might say), is the effort to simply say anything. And if that "anything" isn't about cancer, that's even better. If cancer is not in the room for even an hour or two, that's a gift. As time goes on, as things become more serious, those hours without cancer become ever more precious. Please don't worry about what to say... or saying the wrong thing... One should never become an expert in what to say in this situation.

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2 comments:

NL said...

Jackie,

I hear you! Having been on both sides of the fence I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes people think that if they don't ask how things are going, they're being uncaring or ignoring the situation. On the other hand some people feel if they ask how things are going (referring to the cancer) it may be an unwelcome subject and that the patient and the caregiver probably want to talk about something else. With me, it was a day -to-day thing...somedays I just didn't want to talk about it, other days I needed to. Now, on the other side of the fence, I try to get my clues from the patient and the family.

That said, I totally agree with you. The less we focus on the cancer, the more we focus on living and creating beautiful memories. And that's what ALL our lives should be about! Love, Nancy

March 8, 2009 at 12:40 AM
daune abadie said...

I've been there too! Having others say those words to me and saying them myself to others......Just to have a friend call to chat was the best for me! I could choose to open up if that's what I needed (and many times that was what made me feel better) or I could talk about something else (for a bit of fun, non-stressful distraction), depending on the day and the need. Knowing you have friends and family there for either is a blessing! J, you remind me of what my focus each day should be, and for that, THANK YOU!

So, for our playdate....what does your week look like? I'm booked Tues and Thurs only.
D

March 8, 2009 at 9:03 PM

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