We Know Better
1 week ago
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Too Young
Honestly, this week has been hard for me. I know in my head that Bill will need to get sicker before he gets better, but watching it happen is another story. I still pray that the medication is working and his body needs this rest to heal. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past 3 months. I don't mean physically (but probably that too), but mentally. I am 33 years old (Bill is 41) and truly believe we are BOTH too young for this to be happening to us, to our marriage, and to Tyler. This crisis is something you aren't supposed to go through until your nineties, not thirties. I know I am feeling sorry for myself, but I feel I am entitled every so often. This is just not fair! I know life isn't fair... I have said to many a sixth-grader, "Whoever told you life was fair, didn't tell you the truth." I have been extremely "lucky" my entire life... that combined with hard work and a little skill, things have come very easy for me. I have always had the motivation and desire to obtain my goals and dreams in the exact time frame I set for myself. I can't help but think that this "test" we are being forced to endure is "payback" (so to speak) for always getting what I want, when I want it. I don't want Bill to have to deal with this, and it pains me that I can't fix it. I'd give anything for a magic wand... maybe I'll ask Santa for one this year.
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6 comments:
Jackie you have finally reached the point where you need to find the strength you still have. You are running a marathon and need to go the extra mile that you think you do not have in you. Life is so not fair and yes you are way too young for you and Bill to be going through this. Right now it would be so nice to have a real Santa claus that could make all of this just go away or turn the clock back three and a half months and say this did not happen or is not happening.
i hope your wish with santa will come through!!! but just in case im going to ask for the same thing and that way ill give you mine too!!!! love and adore you!!! praying for that fabulous husband of yours!!! audrey
Dear dear Jackie,
Of course you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself or angry or any other feeling you may have. I think that watching someone you care about suffer is one of the hardest things in life. My heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself. Also, could you tell "Sleeping Beauty" that I am praying for him.
Love you guys!
Dorothy
One of my favorite scriptures, one that gives me strength to go on, is "Be still and know that I am God." He knows you. He knows Bill. He knows Tyler. He loves you all and allows us to have trials so we can gain strength to help others. It's ok to feel the way you do. God has blessed you with friends - his way of being with you and supporting you. Love to you all.
Jackie, you are entitled to feel this way. What you are going through is life changing and extremely difficult. Now it's time to let the people that love and care for you give you the strength you need to get through this. You are amazing and are giving Bill and Tyler everything that they need right now. Let the people around you give you what you need. I'll ask Santa to make this all go away too. You are an inspiration to us all! Love, Tamie
Jackie- Three years ago I was so scared about what was happening in my life at the time that i went to the Brea Mall and I asked Santa for help. He said that everything would be alright and not to worry. This year I can take you and you can ask him for help. You are all in my prayers. I prayed for Bill on my L.A.Challenge walk today.Hugs to Tyler!
Love,Wendy,Noah & Bailey Pettey
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