Today at HOPE

Our day was an eventful one! We got to the City of Hope (early) and waited a little while before getting in to see the doctor. The nurse apologized profusely for the receptionist's mistake yesterday. We met with the nurse, the PA, and the oncologist. It was a great appointment, and we got a much better feeling about the doctor. The first time he was a little distant and quite frankly, a little arrogant. I told Bill that I didn't care about his personality as long as he was a genius in fighting cancer. Today he seemed like a different person. We were talking openly and honestly with a few laughs in between. He explained the trial again, and we asked some questions. Bill asked the hard hitting ones, and prefaced them with, "I don't know if my wife wants to hear these answers." What Bill didn't realize is I probably have the same questions he does, I just don't know if WE are ready for the answers. I lie awake at night thinking many of the same things he does, but certain fears are very difficult to verbalize. I am debating with myself how much I should disclose on here, but there are really no secrets, and I want everyone to have a clear picture. *A clear picture of the unknown... the irony.*

Here it goes:
The trial doesn't have any results yet, so there isn't much info on odds or chances. It is taking place all over the country, however it originated at the City of Hope. They do know that he has a 10-15% chance of the drugs working. Regular chemo gives about 5% chance. For the record - we plan to be in the 10-15%! If it does work then the intention is to prolong life since the drugs on this trial don't kill the cancer cells (like chemo), they fight it in a different manner. Our hope is to have it stop growing and shrink - that would be considered a success. If it doesn't work, he will return to his original oncologist to try chemo. That is the backup plan. The million dollar hard core question of the day, "What could I expect (physically) if it doesn't work?" The answer shook me a little bit, because the doctor said one word. PAIN. Although they have drugs to help combat the pain and there is no reason to have to hurt, I still was taken aback by the answer. We know that he will have this for the rest of his life, our prayer is that it is in a manageable state. They put in the referrals for tests that will probably take place early next week. There is a slight possibility that he could start treatment next Thursday if all the stars align, but we know all too well how that goes. So really, we are hoping to begin treatment no longer than two weeks from today. We had a great day together and went to lunch after the appointment. I can't tell you how much I cherish the "good" days. Please keep praying!