That's How You Know
1 week ago
Friday, September 12, 2008
A Fine Line
I joked at the start of this ordeal that I really wanted some medication to make me numb. Not physically, just emotionally. Well, I did get a little help from the doctor (mind you, the patient has yet to get any drugs), and I am so thankful that I no longer cry hysterically at the drop of a hat. The amount the anxiety has lessened is really exponential. While ever so grateful, I feel like my wish has somewhat come true. I am a little numb. I walk a very fine line in regards to showing the utmost of strength, and letting my vulnerabilities show admitting that I am, in fact, human. Bill probably believes I don't "feel" as much as I should, but that is quite the contrary. To spare him, I oftentimes have my breakdowns at night after "the boys" go to bed. I have yet to master the art of balancing strength while showing weakness, and to be honest, I'm not sure I ever will.
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5 comments:
Hi Jackie and Bill,
Just checking in to say hello and that I am glad that Tyler is enjoying preschool and that, Jackie, you are settling back in to teaching. I hope that Monday comes quickly for you and that the City of Hope has a WORLD of HOPE, LIFE, and LOVE to offer you. Enjoy today... and remember we are ALL in this together.
With love, Susan and Kevin
JAC-
You are an amazing woman as shown by what you've written here, among other things (wife, mother, daughter, teacher, friend). I think you'll need to be balanced just as you are to do what you need to do as an advocate for Bill and for your family. It's that strength that will carry all of you through this; together with courage, hope, and love.
Love to you all,
Mary and the SB crew
Jackie, this made me teary reading it.
You are a kind, thoughtful, intelligent, and amazing. But above all else, you are a WOMAN.
You are allowed to have your moments of breakdown, sadness, and anxiety.
But you are not weak. You may feel this way, but you are STRONG! You will probably never know how many people you have given strength to but Bill and Tyler re the most important.
Keep the strength.
Another awesome book to read is Death Be Not Proud by John Gunther.
This book has been one of my VERY FAVORITE books since the 7th grade. I know what your thinking... it's juvenile. It's really not. I read it about once EVERY year. It is absolutely amazing.
Hi, Jackie!
You are an inspiration to us all and our doing such an incredible job of being strong, vulnerable, and open, a balance most people struggle with. Did you "meet" Anne Frank yet? She teaches us to "be happy" each and every day regardless of the ordeals we face. I can't wait to have a book chat when you are done. I'll be thinking of you all day Monday as you finally enter the doors and begin "Project Hope." Love, Tamie
Dear Jackie and Bill,
Jackie, I just want to give you a big hug! And I don't really know you. :-) You're amazing and wonderful and strong and also human and you and Bill are going through an incredibly challenging time. I would want a little numbness too.
Please know that there are so, so many people out here praying for you guys and supporting you. I think if it were possible we'd all be in the waiting room with you guys on Monday! Since we can't, just know that we are all with you guys in spirit. I keep thinking of those Verizon commercials where the Verizon guy has the whole 'network' crowd of people standing behind him. That's how I picture you guys. We're all standing behind you and thinking of you and praying for you. I guess that going around in your normal day to day activities you guys might feel a little alone but I hope not. I'd bet everyone reading this blog thinks of you guys and sends you love and prayers at least once a day. So hang in there! And cry when you need to. :-)
Best wishes, Lori Buley
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