It's not the pain. It's not the fear, the uncertainty, the heartbreak, or the anger.
It's the stress that's the toughest to deal with sometimes. Think of the average stresses in a person's life - relationship, kids, school, work, bills, etc. - and then multiply it to the nth degree. I am tired. I feel tired, I wake up tired, and I look tired.
Bill can take medication for the pain. We can talk to each other about the fear, and we remind ourselves that we're not alone. When the anger flares, I have to tell my mind that there is no one to blame. It doesn't mean that all the other feelings aren't valid and strong. They are, at times, also overwhelming... but what they all add up to is stress.
The pressure of coping with everything that the cancer presents, can feel impossible. I don't think there is any easy answer as to how to deal with the stress. It's not just going to go away, as much as we would like that to happen. It affects everyone, not just the person who has cancer. The caregivers, family members, friends, co-workers, doctors, and nurses. They all can fall victim to it, too.
What would help would be some sort of break. A short recess that would allow everyone just to take a deep breath and get an escape for a few minutes... but that is unlikely, too.
I think all I can do is try to let the stress wash over us, remind myself that we all feel it, and not allow us to make things more difficult than they already are. I had no idea stress could feel like this... physically or mentally.
We Know Better
6 days ago
3 comments:
Jackie,
I absolutely know what you are going through...I've done it twice, now. I could have co-authored this post. Sometimes I just wanted to run away. Once, I did, for a week...I simply could not handle it anymore....and I let my husband's family in San Diego take care of me while he took the reigns in my dad's care. I think I made up a year's worth of sleep in 7 days. The stress truly attacks every nerve in your body and leaves scars that eventually heal but never entirely disappear. Yes, let the stress wash over you, but remember, don't let it drown you. You may need break by yourself or with a friend. It's OK. At first I didn't think it was, but there came a point where I had no choice: I was drowning. I returned calm and rested and ready to take on whatever God had planned - and it is God's plan. Only He knows where this story is going (and this blog, for that matter! :) ) Believe it and take take comfort in that knowledge.
Love, Nancy
Hi Jackie,
Not that raising kids is ANY comparison to what you're going through, but in looking back, with retrospect, having two young children 15 mo.s apart and one with life threatening asthma at the first sign of every cold... I was exhausted... and stressed. I hated Winter, I hated anybody that coughed in public, and I spent countless nights waking up every two hours to make sure my son was still breathing. The stress was incredible... but it is MUCH better now. His asthma is under control and what I learned, if I had to do it all over again, was to TAKE NAPS! Frequently, daily, and especially when others in the house are sleeping. Let the housework and everything else wait. You will feel so much better and the stress will be more manageable. Take care of yourself, take a break, and TAKE A NAP!:)
Susan
Amen!
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