STRESS

It's not the pain. It's not the fear, the uncertainty, the heartbreak, or the anger.

It's the stress that's the toughest to deal with sometimes. Think of the average stresses in a person's life - relationship, kids, school, work, bills, etc. - and then multiply it to the nth degree. I am tired. I feel tired, I wake up tired, and I look tired.

Bill can take medication for the pain. We can talk to each other about the fear, and we remind ourselves that we're not alone. When the anger flares, I have to tell my mind that there is no one to blame. It doesn't mean that all the other feelings aren't valid and strong. They are, at times, also overwhelming... but what they all add up to is stress.

The pressure of coping with everything that the cancer presents, can feel impossible. I don't think there is any easy answer as to how to deal with the stress. It's not just going to go away, as much as we would like that to happen. It affects everyone, not just the person who has cancer. The caregivers, family members, friends, co-workers, doctors, and nurses. They all can fall victim to it, too.

What would help would be some sort of break. A short recess that would allow everyone just to take a deep breath and get an escape for a few minutes... but that is unlikely, too.

I think all I can do is try to let the stress wash over us, remind myself that we all feel it, and not allow us to make things more difficult than they already are. I had no idea stress could feel like this... physically or mentally.