The past year we learned a whole slew of new vocabulary words. Just the medical jargon alone was enough to make your head spin. Not to mention the medication names... Bill used to say he earned a medical degree learning it all. (He also said he earned a law degree watching reruns of Law & Order.) We also developed different terminology between the two of us.
The main words were - before, during, and after. Translation:
Before diagnosis...
During treatment...
After was a little complicated...
At the beginning it was "After treatment..." but the last few months, we both knew what after really meant. "Well, you know... after (insert head nod and eyebrow raise here)..." He died with a laundry list of things for me to do and take care of... after.
My "after" starts tomorrow. I know that seems a little late, a month to be exact, but I have been procrastinating making phone calls, changing insurance, and getting things squared away. I don't feel I am behind in the grieving process, so I suppose that is a little progress. We got home from our trip this afternoon and as I opened the mail, I started my list of To Do's (no shock there) and realized that it is officially after. I knew we were taking this trip and promised myself that upon our return I would take care of the logistics. We are back, and I kept my promise and started the train of phone calls this afternoon. Maybe I needed a month to be comfortable making the calls and saying the words, "My husband passed away..." because those words DO get easier to say. I can't believe it has been a month already. In some ways it seems like he has been gone A LOT longer, and in other ways it seems like just yesterday.
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The Grief Shift9 years ago
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Total Mass Confusion~9 years ago
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The New PostSecret Book10 years ago
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5 Years Ago Today10 years ago
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Three years post transplant!!12 years ago
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Hiatus?12 years ago
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Saying Goodbye12 years ago
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Tree Trimming12 years ago
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I believe in signs14 years ago
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Relay for Life14 years ago
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You Wanna Be a Rock Star?14 years ago
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10 comments:
I am sure your to-do list won't be enjoyable. But I also know you will set yourself to the tasks and knock them all out efficiently- just like you have had to do for months and months. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are still with you, and I hope that one day soon you will be done with all the difficult tasks you have to finish, and will be able to just focus on yourself for awhile.
Take care.
Still thinking about you and Tyler constantly...sending you positive energy and prayers.
-Alison
Jackie, Bless your heart.....I really thought I wouldn't cry anymore when I read your blog. How stupid am I????????? Today I can't stop thinking about you and Tyler. You continue to say so eloquently what is in your heart and it continues to touch me. I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but I believe there is a book in "you" somewhere. I told your mama last week that I hope I get to meet you next month when I am in So Cal for our neighborhood reunion. Actually, I would like to invite you to drop by if you can on the 8th. If not I will do everything I can to hook up with you. God made you for something special. Love to you and Tyler, Jaynie (your mama's friend from South Carolina)
Jackie:
I couldn't agree with Jaynie more - you have such a beautiful way with words and sharing that with the world through a book is a great idea.
I only went to school with Bill for a year and didn't really know each other well at all, but I too hope to meet you at some point. Your strength and courage and openness has helped not only yourself but everyone who ever cared and loved Bill through this past year.
I check your blog daily and hope that you continue to allow us into your lives. May God bless both you and Tyler, I have no fear that you will get through this and honor Bill every day with all that you do.
Chris Bergman
Just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you, and to take your "after" days just one at a time. Prioritize the things that really have to be done, and then work on them as best as you can.
I pray for your strength as you take care of 'business'
Love to you!!
Kelly
Jackie -
Thank you for continuing to share with us the journey you and Tyler are on. I think of you and Tyler often even though we have never met - Bill sure chose an amazing person to be his partner/champion and a wonderful mother to his son. He is missed -
God Bless
lisa rodriguez rosile '85
Jackie,
I am so sorry that we missed Bill's funeral service.
I must say, however, that his tragic death, woven together with your amazing ability to put feelings into words, evokes a "feeling" amongst us bloggers that is so deep, it, too, is difficult to put into words.
Perhaps, as you've said, at times silence is the best form of communication.
I hope that when you hear silence, what you truly hear is love.
With all our love to you and Tyler.
Susan, Kevin, Spencer, and Sabrina
You are the best! Love ya, Jac.
Tamie
I can't believe it has been a month either. Even though I have noticed the weeks pass, somehow they add up to a month. I just want you to know that I still think of you every day. You continue to be an inspiration, and I am still just sorry, sad, and sometimes angry that you have
had to deal with all of this. And that is an understatement since there are never words that can really express any of this. Anyway, just know you continue to be in my heart and thoughts; Brent's too.
Calle
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