I have always thought it was odd that preschools alter the words to the song Ring Around the Rosy. It is a timeless classic that is sang (usually) without analyzing the words. The end part - ...ashes, ashes, we all fall down - is the part that has changed. Stay with me... I DO have a point. The song is about the Black Plague in Europe that dates back to the thirteen hundreds. (I could be a little off here, but that is the gist of it. Feel free to correct me!) There are two theories of what the ashes signify. One being the idea of death (Europe lost one-third of their population during this time) and burning the bodies... the other is about sneezing their "lungs out"... I think. My history is fuzzy, so please excuse my butchering.
I never deemed it necessary to change the lyrics to the song, and I also never thought it pertinent to explain the intended meaning to children. It seemed like a harmless nursery rhyme. This song now has new meaning for me.
I picked up the ashes today. I hesitate to say "Bill's ashes", because I just can't comprehend that he is actually in that small box. We leave for Lake Tahoe tomorrow for a little vacation and while it is well-warranted, it is bittersweet. We are going to take some of the ashes and put them on the lake. (I know it's illegal, so if you are a part of law enforcement we aren't really doing that.) Bill's first wish was to be spread in Tahoe... then the ocean... then Hawaii... then a golf course. Needless to say, I will honor those requests and spread him out. Things still seem surreal and I definitely have my moments, but we are hanging in there. Tyler is doing really well, and I, honestly, am too. Thank you all for still checking on us!!
We Know Better
6 days ago
9 comments:
Jackie,
You are amazing!! I always knew that, but I am reminded every time I read your updates.
Please know my thoughts and prayers are still with you and Tyler as you continue on this journey. Thank you for being an inspiration, an educator and an example to us all!!
LITB, Stephanie Dempsey
J,
I learn something new daily...today, the meaning of the song. Thanks for being such an amazing teacher, even to your friends! Have a nice time on your trip...enjoy the scenery, family, and time away to just relax. We'll get together again when you come back!
love,
D
Jackie,
I heard the news while I was in DC and I read your postings this morning. You are right- there is nothing to say that is not totally STUPID. Please know that I am thinking about you and Tyler, praying and sending love to you.
I am glad work brought/brings you some relief- or at least distraction. Please know also that you gave so much to the kids at the same time the work gave to you. Robin gained so much by being in your class. Thanks for being one of the important adults that have influenced my special kid. And... times that by 18!
Jackie:
Thank you for being so honest and open with us all - its refreshing and humbling!
I recently watched "PS I Love you" and when I read your post today I thought of the movie for some reason. I think that the journey you'll take in granting Bill's wish to be spread in his favorite places is a journey that will hopefully bring you great memories of your amazing husband and best friend.
My wish for you is that while sad, hopefully memories of his smiles and laughter at those locations will resonate and help you remember things you might have forgotten during the trauma of the past months.
Chris Bergman ('85)
Always the consummate educator!! Our best friend calls your experiences agonizing joy. Bill is indeed a very blessed man. Be safe on your trip and know that our prayers will be with you.
Dear Jackie,
Your post today brought back so many memories. When my daughter Jen died suddenly almost 16 years ago, I called that box, "Jen in a Box" and spoke to her whenever I walked by her for the week until we spread her ashes at a place her brother chose (with our family and close friends, including the Brittons).
I began attending a support group twice a month for parents whose children had died. Before that time I was one of the people uncomfortable with death. When a fellow teacher's father died, I showed my caring by being extra nice to her, but never mentioning her dad because I didn't want to cause her pain. How foolish I now know I was.
One night in the group, we starting sharing stories about what people had done with The Ashes. One divorced father said he and his ex-wife had bought matching cookie jars and split the ashes in half. He called it the ultimate in joint custody. We all laughed. Then another woman shared that she spooned ashes in many of her son's favorite places, one being the Small World ride at Disneyland. Someone else commented that hearing the song over and over, he would think he was in hell and not heaven. Again we all laughed.
That night when I went home, I couldn't believe how good it felt to be able to be with people who shared this horrendous journey in a real way—all the normal emotions of life even during this most horrible of times. I learned so much about our common human condition. Death isn't just sad. It is wistful and guilt-ridden and anger-producing, and yes even funny at times—just like all the memories of the times when our loved one was still with us on earth.
On reading your blog all these long weeks, I think you already intuitively know the lessons I learned after Jen died. Your journey is hard, but you are perfect. You and Tyler are in my heart. Hang in there. The sad, cold weight gets lighter, and the memories are with you always.
Aloha, Ardeth
Have a nice time on your trip to Tahoe. I love keeping up with you on your blog. I am thinking of you, Tyler and the rest of your and Bill's family. Love to you all.
Marla
have a great time in tahoe...just got back from up there!!!!! relax and enjoy....."zen"!!!!! we are looking forward to our lunch on wednesday,,,,call me when you get back in town...have a safe trip...xoxoxoxoxo ..audrey and ethan.....<3
Hi Jackie,
Thanks for the comment. I haven't published this yet and was very surprised. Glad to know someone else out there feels as I do. I met with a grief counselor today. She told me everyone grieves in different ways. It may be the little things that upset us, not the big things. I am going to the cemetery tomorrow to make arrangements for Brian's burial. Hope you are relaxing...
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