This is a fair warning that you are about to read a rant and/or rave. Enter at your own risk.
I often wonder about the emotional maturity of some people... mainly me. I *think* I have always been somewhat on the mature side for the appropriate age at which I have assessed myself. I also believe that life's lessons, big or small, can enhance maturity in some people.
The question I have tonight, though, is if it is possible to halt emotional maturity at the time of a crisis? Could it be that one stops maturing after such a traumatic emotional experience? "Survival mode" does not include learning necessary social cues, thus reverting back to younger tendencies. If such an experience takes up an innumerable amount of emotional efforts, could it be that one can not get over that hill in order to grow and keep maturing at age-appropriate pace?
Facebook puts a new social media in our laps. Understanding the rules and common courtesies is not always easy, but get to know how it works and it's not brain surgery. I have friends on Facebook who are still in high school, and I see their updates (and sometimes cringe), but it gives me a little insight to what kids that age are thinking, believing, and concluding about life. They are eager (desperate, even) to get out of high school. Often, their maturity level is far above what one could imagine. Sometimes I feel like I should take notes from them in how one should view the world. Their maturity often surpasses those who have been out of high school for years and years. Go figure...
Not to worry... I am not referring to anyone in my family or circle of friends; or anyone with whom I work, socialize, or regularly encounter. I am however referring to an experience in which an adult demonstrated actions severely lacking maturity or tact or social appropriateness of any kind. In fact, it was a fluke experience that has been chalked up to just that... an experience. I don't run into people I deem to be that immature very often, so when I do, it's shocking beyond what my mind can fathom. Intelligence does not equate to maturity. It sometimes takes a little while to realize this, and it can be quite eye opening.
We Know Better
6 days ago
3 comments:
Jackie,
I have read your blog before and just went through it again. My brother went to heaven on January 30, 2010. I am missing him desperately and I have not been able to find anyone who I can really talk to about Melanoma and loss that is close by. You by far are the closest.
I am on the commitee for the 5k Melanoma walk that is taking place on September 11th and there are only a few of us on that commitee. I have met people via MRF and facebook and some on this commitee for the walk.
I live in Escondido California. My brother was only 38 years old and leaves behind my niece and nephew who are 11 and 12 years old (their mom has just signed them over ...so they now have lost both parents basically_).
I am having a very difficult time right now. I don't have anyone to talk to that can help me understand some of these things I am going through. I do have a counselor through Hospice ...I see her once a week. I just don't have someone that I can truly relate to.
Can you help??? Do you have time?? Is this weird getting this message from a random stranger who is despearately trying to understand what I am now going through?? I understand if this is too much BUT I figured I would ask. I have a facebook page too. My name is Misty Dobson and I would love to hear back from you.
Mistydobson@gmail.com is my email address.
Jackie,
There is, in fact, a human development theory related to grief that I saw presented a few years ago.
In summation, when the loss occurs we start again as infants needing to be cared for a progress through all the stages until we "catch up" to where we were when the loss occured.
It was very interesting and explained much of my behavior the first year after my husband died. I could never firgure out why I took up smoking (I have since quit) but I realized I was going through my risky adolescent phase.
Will I see you in Aug in San Diego at Camp Widow? Mike and I are giving a presentation.
Hope you are well-
Irene
Yes, I think Irene's point is an interesting one. That sometimes in our loss we don't even realize that we are the one's being immature. Looking back, I found that people around me were behaving normally and my reactions were highly exaggerated compared to the circumstance. It's taken some time, but I think I've caught up to my old self. Prayers to you as you find your new "normal".
Post a Comment