Balloons

Last year, Father's Day was a mere six days after Bill died. I so badly wanted to set up a ritual for Tyler to do each year on this holiday that was once shared with his dad. I struggled to find the perfect idea that would be permanently placed in his memory. I wanted it to be something visual that Tyler could possibly understand better than, "Dad lives in heaven now." Thankfully, I don't think he will ever remember my not-so-brilliant plan.

I decided to get a balloon that we would let go and send up to dad in heaven. It seemed like the perfect plan that we would recreate each year. We could gaze in wonder as the balloon drifted up into the blue sky. Memories would flood our minds as we reminisced about "Our Dad." Let's just say that it didn't really go as I had planned.

Me: We are getting this balloon to send to daddy... since he lives in heaven now.

Tyler: We are getting balloons???

Me: Well, just one. We are going to let it go in the backyard and dad will be able to get it. You can even watch it drift up to the sky.

Tyler: (silence)

At home...

Me: Let's tell dad that we love him before we send it.

Tyler: Can I water the flowers?

Me: No, we are telling dad how much we love and miss him.

Tyler: I don't want to... Can I hold the balloon?

Me: Sure. Do you want to say, "I love you," before you let it go?

Tyler: I am NOT letting the balloon go. NO WAY.

Me: You have to, it's for dad... it's not for you.

Tyler: It's MINE! Why can't I have it? I can't let it go. Dad doesn't want it.

Me: YES HE DOES! NOW LET IT GO!!

Tyler: (Crying) NO!!!!!!! (Crying)

Me: YES!!! GIVE IT TO ME! (Said as I took the balloon and forced him to let it go.)

Tyler continued to sob and jump after the balloon as it lifted to the sky. He cried, stomped, kicked, hit... you name it... he was slightly upset, to put it mildly. I realized at that moment that I wasn't going to be able to "create" the perfect moment. It would have to just transpire on its own.

I am one to stick to my guns regarding parenting and consistency. I believe in following-through and saying what you mean. This being said... I also believe that (in life) the big picture is vital and battles should be chosen wisely. Six days after Bill's death, the balloon war was NOT the battle I was willing to fight. So, we hopped back in the car, went to the store, and got Tyler a new balloon. Hopefully Bill got the first one, because I don't think we will be sending many more up.