I attended a beautiful Christmas women's event tonight with incredible music (including an amazing singer/friend) and an inspirational speaker. One of our tasks was to say what person (dead or alive) with whom we would like to spend 15 minutes. My answer was easy... Bill.
My head instantly knew that he was my answer, however, as the evening ensued I decided I wanted a redo. I changed my mind. My head's answer forgot to sync with my heart's answer. As I sat and listened to the night's speaker, many thoughts tumbled through my head. The main one was that I was wrong, I would not want an additional 15 minutes with him. That's not enough. I recently read another widow's blog post about getting one more day and it got me thinking. I have come so far in the grieving process that 15 additional minutes with him would surely send me back to square one in my grief. A place I don't particularly care to revisit.
Also, would those 15 minutes mean that he would suffer for additional time? If that is the case, then I could never ask that of him. Why in the world would I want him to endure MORE pain, even if it was just 15 minutes? Although it is very tempting, I could never be that selfish. Is it possible that I love him so much that I wouldn't (couldn't) want another 15 minutes with him?
So, to those of you with whom I spent the evening tonight, I want a do-over. I changed my mind... the next person on my mental list is Abraham Lincoln. Yes, I pick Abe.
We Know Better
1 week ago
6 comments:
Hi Jackie,
I think about you often and it looks like we have similar thoughts. 15 minutes, one day.....they just aren't enough.
Take good care of yourself during this holiday season.
Irene
Do-over granted!! I'll let Abe know...
Your reminder, as requested...
Good Evening Jackie...God loves you...Get over yourself!!!!!!
Great to see you, friend.
Kim
Now I know what you were thinking that night:) I was thinking of saying someone from our favorite book too, and Abe Lincoln would be a great pick. I think I should have said Anne Frank. I'd like to talk to her for 15 minutes.
Sounds like an amazing event!!! What was it?
You are so right, 15 minutes would just be a tease...if I were to think of who I'd want to chat w/ I'd immediately say my mom, but now that you bring it up...that's not nearly enough time, esp. after all these years....I'd have to choose someone else too.
However, before Ken's gma passed last week, I told her to tell my mom all about the girls. I told her specific details that I wanted her to take with her. It wrenched at my heart to say this, but after, I was almost joyous that my mom would now hear, from a very reliable source, how amazing my girls are. So, I suppose, if I had 15 minutes, it would be ok to pick her :)
On a side note: thanks for posting on Eric's blog. I'm sure your first hand experiences are helpful to Hallie. Has she written you back? His sister said that they are hanging in there...
d
you are so amazing...just truly poignant...
Yep more time but not with the sick husband with the vibrant alive one - years and years more - but I would like to ask him what was he thinking when he bought a full size safe and what is the combination? I'm cleaning out his storage locker.
Post a Comment