There are many levels of grief. I could almost hold a checklist and write the date that certain feelings were experienced. The anger, the guilt, the depression, the denial... they all have spent time with me. The last feeling I have has lingered for awhile now...
The acceptance.
Accepting that he is gone... accepting that he is not coming back... accepting that I am single... accepting that I am a different person... accepting that motherhood can (and will) be done alone. I have accepted our new life and all that is tangled in it. Sometimes I wonder if I am ready to fully accept things, but in reality, I do not have a choice IF I am going to or not; I must continue to live my life.
Does acceptance mean I have forgotten, or it doesn't hurt? Far from it. Those two factors do not replace each other. That is the "funny" thing about grief. There are no rules or map to follow, you must navigate it yourself and personally come to terms with acceptance. To quote Merriam-Webster, acceptance is,
to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable; to recognize as true: believe
I don't feel I am "actively mourning" anymore, but I know the hole will always be there... in my life and in my heart. I have accepted this, and I know that it has made me a stronger person (how could it not?).
When I sat down to write this post, I had a totally different angle worked out in my head. Interesting how things can take a turn, and the result is far from what was anticipated. I guess life is funny like that...
Lunch, Please
2 days ago
4 comments:
As a single mom, I can tell you that I totally understand what you mean about acceptance. I did not set out on this course of being a mother of 4 with the intention of flying solo- but it happened, and I accept it. My grief is different than yours- as my loss was not due to death- but I think the process of coming to terms with your new life, and the lost life that you once knew, is very much the same. You are changed- there is no way not to be- but you will also find you are much stronger for it. My thoughts continue to be with you.
Thank-you for sharing...acceptance...my word of the week. What would I do without your blog?? :) Now I'm off to treatment!
A lright
C larity
C hallenging
E levating ones self
P ermit
T rust yourself
A dmit
N ecessity
C onsent
E motional
just thinking about you...we are having people over for a wine and cheese party on friday and would love to see you...also expect an invitation for the annual christmas parade party where tyler will surely have a splendid time...
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