I have hit a rough patch. Four days worth, to be exact. I know it's par for the course, but when you are knee deep it is hard to see that the fog will lift. I think our anniversary was the driving force. I feel immensely better today, so I have faith that these times will come and go.
The two month mark is quickly approaching, and I am sure that I have cried more the past few days than I have since Bill died. Like I said, today was drastically better, and I am choosing to be happy and live life to the fullest. (And yes, Tyler is fine and was not privy to my funk.)
Most people know, although I have not mentioned it on the blog, but I am changing schools next year. Many reasons were involved in this change. I asked (begged) to make a switch, knowing that this summer would be challenging, and I was desperate for a fresh start. I know it seems like a lot of change all at once, but I have not one doubt that it is exactly what I need right now. I have spent a few days over the weeks in my new room unpacking and getting ready for the new school year. I never thought I would say it, but I might be *somewhat* ready to go back to work. I love my time off, but I also thrive on structure and schedule... Work is what got me through the past year, I know I am definitely ready for the relief that a full classroom will bring.
I summary... we are still OK...
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The Grief Shift9 years ago
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Total Mass Confusion~9 years ago
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The New PostSecret Book10 years ago
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5 Years Ago Today10 years ago
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Three years post transplant!!12 years ago
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Hiatus?12 years ago
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Saying Goodbye12 years ago
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Tree Trimming12 years ago
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Merry Christmas12 years ago
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I believe in signs14 years ago
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Relay for Life14 years ago
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You Wanna Be a Rock Star?14 years ago
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5 comments:
I didn't read this before we talked tonight, but knew this was how you were feeling. Please give yourself a break and allow yourself some "funky" days through this process. This is not a sign of weakness but will help you heal. Tears are good! Let it go when you need to my friend and know that you will be back in the swing of school and third graders before you know it. They are so lucky to have you!
Hi Jackie. Hang in there. I know it's hard to believe that it really does get better. I don't mean completely better but I mean a less sharp pain. I still have rough days, about my Mom's death, that can come out of the blue or be linked to an anniversary or event, etc. But, they don't immobilize me like those days did in the beginning. I can have those rough days but still remember to buy milk and wash the kid's laundry. :-) I know that grief is incredibly painful but I found that there is also a beauty in it in how deeply you feel your connection and love for that person you have lost.
Good luck with your new school. I'm with you on the love of routine and structure. :-)
Best wishes,
Lori Buley
You are still in the hearts and prayers of so many around you. As life moves forward, people around you are here for you. Know that we want your pain to go away and pray for your peace and comfort everyday.
I just absolutely love you and look forward to spending time with you soon...
Dear Jackie- I hope your silence over the last week is becuase you have been feverishly preparing your new classroom, and not because the rough patch has gotten the better of you.
It was just a matter of time before the tears caught up to you. The shock has worn off, and you are left with the reality that Bill is gone. It's okay to let yourself be sad about that. I am sure your efforts to live life to the fullest will eventually help balance out the emptiness you feel at times.
Please know my thoughts continue to be with you. Take care.
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