Happy Anniversary, Bill!

Today would have been our fifth anniversary. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. Aside from the day Tyler was born, it was the very best day of my life. I would not change one detail about our wedding.

On our third date Bill asked me what I was doing for the next 50 years. His intention (and mine) was that we would spend them together. I am still stunned that I am now on my life's journey without him. In fact, I believe my shock is thinning, and reality is setting in. I still think I am doing well in the whole grieving process... as inconsistent as it is, however. Although I can discuss Bill and cancer and our situation without tears, I find other life happenings send me into a crying spell. The past three days have been hard, and the old saying that time heals all wounds is not proving to be true lately. I know it will get better and the hurt will lessen, but I miss him terribly. At times, I feel selfish in my grief because I want him back for me, to be here with me, to comfort me... I desperately long for things to be the way the were before cancer hit our family. Trust me, I realize that is not possible, and it really doesn't help to expend my energy wishing for the impossible, but on a day like today, it can't be helped.

Tyler's preschool teacher's last day was today. I cried all day yesterday, and just thinking about it makes me well up... granted I would have easily shed tears under "normal" circumstances, but perhaps I was slightly over the top. She has been a godsend to us this year. To have her as his first teacher in a long line of educators is absolutely priceless. He LOVES school because of Mrs. N. More importantly, she loves him. As a parent, that is my number one wish, and it was fulfilled this year more than I could ever imagine. Tyler is one lucky boy!