Meeting new people is interesting when you feel like you are hoarding a gigantic secret... only it's not really a secret... but I am incredibly tired of the tilted head-nod. The look I get when I tell people my "story" is one of which I am not fond. If you just meet me, one would never guess what I endured over the past year. I am able to hold an intelligent conversation without revealing my unique circumstance of which my new friend is unaware. Depending on the situation, I am actually quite talented at dodging questions that might lead to the big reveal. I can even steer a conversation to safer grounds by rerouting a person's questions. I don't avoid the awkwardness for me, but for them. It has turned into a little mental game for me... for lack of better term.
I don't think I look like the typical widow, however she might appear. I'm not sure the stereotype of one, but for some reason my visual is of a woman over the age of eighty. Not much about my external features lead people to assume the reality of my marital status. I actually kind of feel sorry for those who find out the truth after asking what seems to be a very innocent question. Then the tables turn, and they begin the tilted head-nod based on my revealing answer. For awhile I thought I was (maybe) imagining this infamous tilt, but after a friend told me, "I saw the head-nod!" I know I am not crazy... in this aspect. :)
I am to the point that I can share my story honestly and openly, without fearing the awkwardness that inevitably ensues. I have learned such an incredible life lesson. One that has changed me forever. I have only one person to thank for opening my eyes to what life truly is about.
We Know Better
1 week ago
3 comments:
I often feel a sense of dread when meeting new people for the same reason. I hold my breath until the topic of "what does your husband do?" comes up. It always feels awkward but I agree that I almost feel worse for the other person. I guess that means I'm healing too. Thanks for sharing your story!
wow...... tears in my eyes.. love when you do that..... you are amazing and i loveeeeeeeeeeeee you sooooooooooo much!!!!!! hope im seeing you soon... sent you an email... did you get???????? xoxoxoxo.. miss you soooooo audrey
Weird...I got the tilted head-nod the other day when I quickly revealed your story to one of our new friends. I talked really fast to get beyond the subject so she could stop feeling so bad. Those of us that have gone through the entire process with you are healing right along with you and forget how devastating the story sounds. I found that if you keep talking and don't let them respond, the head will tilt back into proper alignment pretty quickly. Sometimes my fast talking comes in handy. I'm still amazed at your strength and how quickly you are healing and forging ahead with your new life. I am just so darn proud of you, I feel like your big sister! Loved this post and the creative way you always spin your perspective. Take care my friend...I'll see you tomorrow.
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