Part of my problem is thinking too much. Hence the reason for two posts in one day! I have not been sleeping well and that leads to trouble when I am left alone with my own thoughts. I think about death quite a bit and how insane it is that I am not alone in losing my husband at age 33 (although I turned 34 eleven days after Bill died). I lie awake at night thinking of ways I could possibly help other people if they are just beginning the cancer walk. I know a book is somewhere inside me, but that is really not enough. I want to talk to people... listen to them... support the caregiver. I was fortunate to meet someone who walked the path almost a year before I did. (Actually, I am unclear if "fortunate" is the appropriate word choice... maybe unfortunate would be more fitting in our situation.)
Now as I ramble, I realize I don't remember the main reason of this post. That is the story of my life... I have a severe case of what is known as "widow's brain". The numbness carries over to all aspects of life, not just in grieving.
I keep reminding myself that I cannot start a new beginning, but I can begin to create a new ending.
Congregatin'
2 days ago
3 comments:
thumbs up to the last blog......kinda a therapist not just a colorist sometimes.... the saying about the 10% and the 90% attitude thing... is one im going to use and remember!!!!!!! i just adore you and hope we can get together again before school!!!!!!!!! xo xo .... love ya tons!!!!!!!! audrey
Whether you talk, listen, or write, you have SO much to give. In so many ways. Again I say, you are amazing. You are amazingly beautiful. Hope to see you soon...
Wendy Becker
I'm not a therapist. I'm not a doctor. I'm a Mom. I would council you to slow down. Let yourself mourn and heal. I believe Bill would let you do that. As a matter of fact, I believe he would encourage you to do so. I feel that unless you allow yourself to do this, you'll have a huge breakdown. Don't try to be strong for us. Don't try to be what you think we want you to be. Just be. We'll all be okay. And that's what we want for you.
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