I have a new outlook regarding death and the way in which someone dies. Losing someone suddenly is MUCH harder for the family, but drastically better for the "patient", since they don't experience months and months (in our case) of suffering. Losing someone due to a terminal illness is actually better for the family, since you are given time to say good-bye; yet this route is far more difficult for the patient. I am not saying one is "better" than the other, because both are horrific, I am just noting that there is a difference. Since I thankfully only have experience one way, I fully appreciate and took advantage of the time we had together. I also value the heart-wrenching conversations we had, and I have no doubts about the love we shared. I also was able to let him go at the end knowing I had not one regret... that is a gift in itself. I think these things play a huge role in the grieving process and has lessened my pain.
I don't usually quote fellow bloggers, but I recently read one that struck me as quite true. She is also a fellow widow, although lost her husband suddenly. She quoted Charles Swindoll (a pastor) who said:
I’m convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We have choices within our attitudes.
This is so true, especially as I navigate my way through the various stages of grief. The mind is a powerful thing. It IS up to me to live a happy life, or sit and wallow in pity. I don't pick the latter... Bill wouldn't want that either. He'd tell me to "buck up" and "suck it up", so that is what I am doing. One day at a time...
Congregatin'
2 days ago
2 comments:
I am on the other side. My husband died instantly of a heart attack at 35. I saw him 60 minutes before as we kissed hello/goodbye as passengers in the night. I had just got back from class and he was headed out to his soccer game. Luckily, I too, have no regrets. We had a lovely chat after I got off of work that day. He even left his conference call to talk with me. It was a great day for us. I have no regrets. We are the lucky few!
Brian's suffering lasted 3 years, 3 long yet very short years. And his suffering is what it is, I didn't wish for it, yet somehow his suffering here on earth has maybe allowed my children to better heal. They did not have to experience a sudden death, and they got to feel first hand what it means to love someone to Heaven. Brian always took care of us, and I see his suffering from melanoma as somehow a way we were able to be more prepared. While I can never be thankful for his illness, I am very thankful to have been able to uphold my commitment to him and show him how much I really love him.
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